Post by Tai on Jun 18, 2013 23:21:56 GMT -5
Definition of MARRIAGE
1 a (1) : the state of being united as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex marriage
di·vorce
noun
1. a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the marriage partners from all matrimonial obligations. Compare judicial separation.
So one female friends asks “Why do you choose to be a bachelor?”
Short answer:
I LOVE THE CURRENT STATE & QUALITY OF MY LIFE .
Personally for a number of reasons: A) the supply of single women with qualities that I feel are extremely important for marriage, a SUCCESSFUL-LASTING- marriage is fairly low in my immediate area.
B) My value system is very unique and quite frankly to many I am a really complicated person.I am very particular when it comes to the general details of, grooming, cleanliness and order. Some have commented that I have a slight case of OCD. :-)
C) In this society, an objective risk-analysis on marriage does not return good results-I understand that I must not solely rely on numbers but they do help paint a picture.
D) I recognize that I do not want to be father in today’s world, if I don't have a thoroughly committed and capable woman by my side to parent our child/ren with me. whats the point? I am not driven by a need to seed the earth with my genetics.
E.) I feel we are still searching for that "yesteryear" traditional marriage/ life but fail to realize that we don't live in those times anymore and our value systems have been shifted GREATLY compared to earlier generations. The world is plain different now...and will be different tomorrow.
F) Could be a very troubling for anyone but extremely problematic for established men/women. “Marriage” does typically now end in divorce and it is losing traction among generation Y'rs / Millennials; but do you know what "traditional" marriage has a 100% success rate at?- Getting the “State” in bed with you.
”Marriage” imposes all kinds of legal obligations, duties & liens upon your property that are easily avoided by not marrying traditionally.
If your man/woman needs to be feel “secure financially” for giving you “the best years of his/her life” this is easily accomplished with setting up a system that will ensure the continuation of lifestyle-quality in the UNLIKELY event the union doesn't last...Trusts..properties..stocks..homes..you get the idea. JUST MAKE SURE YOU AGREE TO IT & DEVELOP YOUR PALN AS A COUPLE & IT MAKES SENSE TO BOTH OF YOU!
A messy divorce is the one of the worst things that can happen to a man/woman.
Long answer:
Many of the women I encounter these days have one of two major conditions that adversely affect there marketability as marriage material.
Condition 1: The princess / barbie/ greed-driven attitude.
I want a woman that’s going to make me a better man. A partner in a partnership that will ultimately lead to a "merger". Not a selfish, self-indulgent, entitled princess that’s going to attempt to suck away every ounce of dignity and self-respect I have. (sound harsh? I've met her TRUST ME!)
I understand that much of this behavior is in response to conditions we men have, including- using then discarding well-intentioned women callously. Our behavior fosters the "get all you can - while you can...along with the BBD -Bigger Better Deal mentality" Allow me to apologize for the contempt of my fellow
male species
I wish we (guys and girls) wouldn't just play the game rather be more honest with each other. Understand what dating is for, which is to get to know someone. Just because I ask you on a date doesn't mean that they want to marry you...and just because I may date frequently doesn't mean I never want to get married.
Condition 2: A mutilated view of a single successful male- the Catch/Capture & Change complex.
You aren't HUNTING me, no need to attempt to capture me. I don’t want women who acts like I must abandon my "boyish"(?) bachelor ideals and views of life as if I cant possibly be in a place balance and understanding of a relationship because I am single. Perhaps it's the reverse . All too often I come across women that feel all men must change drastically for some inexplicable reason after "landing" him. Personally I think most women stereotype bachelors when in reality our bachelor lifestyles vary as much as our personalities do. I don't go out every night...I don't have multiple random hook-ups with random women.... I am not afraid of commitment..I am not afraid of fatherhood..I am not lost with no direction..I don't think with the: "Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free" mentality. I DO have the "I'M NOT SETTLING MENTALITY". Why should I? I realize I have options.
I do agree in part:
when I enter into a relationship I realize that at some point we both will need to adjust and blend for the better of OUR relationship. The "merger" I referred to.
If I am going to give up the bachelor life and get married, I'm going to do it under favorable conditions. And since the supply of women in my current immediate vicinity is heavily skewed towards one of the the two conditions mentioned above (due to social conditioning), the supply of SINGLE wholesome, beautiful, patient, kind, skilled, capable, interesting women interested in a TRUE union is in my experience a bit low.
In addition to the first two reasons, there’s the issue of risk analysis. In the modern world, most marriages fail. It’s that simple. They either fail through slow, torturous, internal death. Or they fail through separation and divorce. I see this happening all around me. And more often than not, I see that it’s the guy getting screwed over lol. Over 70% of all divorces are initiated by women. And if you've got kids, the family court system can wring your heart dry, I've seen it. Maybe for evolutionary reasons, my brain is especially fine tuned towards doing risk analysis. I am very aware that in most cases, marriage is a doesn't work. And that’s because of the supply issue mentioned above and social conditioning of both sexes.
Finally, there is the increasingly obvious fact that (in most cases) marriage is the result of getting to know someone and realizing you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. I don't feel our current social structure/condition nurtures monogamy, tolerance and understanding. (thats a different topic to be discussed later)
So due to all I mentioned above I am in search...... and she IS out there. I'll GLADLY wait :-)
My life is awesome as it currently is: I think a great relationship will only add to the awesomeness!!!!